I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
