She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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