Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
