good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
