Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
