4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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