You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
