you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
