At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
