no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
