dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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