I heard we made out
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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