Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
