I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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