I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
