one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My cat gives me a boner
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
