Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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