I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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