Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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