needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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