yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
