sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
