this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
