Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
