i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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