i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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