Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
