K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Welp...herpes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
