Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
