If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
