ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
