i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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