We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
