all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
