I heard we made out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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