so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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