I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
