do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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