Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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