Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
