I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
