I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
