I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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