It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize
