We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
