If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
tell me about the fingering
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