Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
