I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
