awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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