He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
