i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
