just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
