i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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