my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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