How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
