Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
