she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
