hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
