I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
